Friday, November 13, 2009

The New Phone Book Is Here! The New Phone Book Is Here!

Ah, Christmas! It is the one time of the year where I breathe a little easier, I walk a little faster and I smile a wee bit more. It is a sacred day. Sure...the religious aspect is nice, but Christmas is the last bastion of my innocence. It is the one stop shop of my childhood. Whenever I turn into a snarling asshole, all I have to do is think of a Christmas of my youth and I'm Mr. Sweetypie. I love Christmas.

The pure wonder and miracle of waking up Christmas morning to a tree that was fully loaded with presents was one of the best feelings I have ever experienced. It wasn't just the fact that I was getting stuff (which is always good) but more the mystery and shock of it all. Would there be big presents? Small ones? Were some hidden behind the tree? Were the milk and cookies I had set out for Santa gone?

It was amazing.

I was seven when I put two and two together and figured out that the whole thing was a sham. I was sitting in a rocking chair when I asked my mother if she and my father were Santa Claus. She told me that they were. I asked about their involvement with the goings on of the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy and she just nodded. After being told that I could still believe in all of them if I wanted to, I just sat and cried. Even at that age, I knew that my world had just shrunk significantly. I would give anything to experience that pre-Santa truth feeling again.

So, with that explained, my love for Christmas might be seen as some kind of deep rooted, childhood issue...but if it is, so be it. I love Christmas.

For the next month and a half, I'm going to show off my love for Christmas....both past and present. It's going to range from Christmas specials on television to my own tree to toys to food to the damn wrapping paper used this year for presents.

It's going to be a blast.

Stick around...we'll be right back...

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Peanut Butter, Willy Loman and You...

When did being cool become so easy to achieve? Maybe it was always like that...that one special hat that hasn't been broken in, tipped in a manner that reminds one of someone taking the walk of shame across campus with their shirt on backwards. Pants hanging off of the non existent hips using the same determination that keeps Sarah Jessica Parker's own face from scaring itself and running away after the morning glance in the mirror. Throwing up various hand signals that might be gang signs or the signal for a right turn while you are riding your huffy.

Maybe they are cool.

Maybe they think they are cool.

I thought I was cool...

But I worked at it.

My jeans were worn through...not purchased with the pre-cut medals of coolness already applied.

My Judas Priest shirts were bought for 15 bucks at the Judas Priest concert. They suffered cigarette burns, rips and tears from running away from the busted party, the indignity of being a mop to soak up spilt bong water and the fadedness that only comes with wearing it non stop. It wasn't bought at Hot Topic.

C'mon kids...work for your coolness. Make me proud.

Friday, June 26, 2009

I'm gone for a week...


Well, well, well...

I leave the pop culture shop for a week and look what happens! Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson all up and die. Ed will always have a place in my heart for being one of the best straight men/co-hosts ever to walk the earth. Those are roles that some think are lesser than being the funny guy/host...but damnit...you try to keep it together when you want to laugh or bite your tongue when a really cool conversation is taking place right in front of you...skills skills skills...

I was never a Farrah fan...never was big into the Angels and I never voted for Goldwater while gazing at her poster...however she played a key role in one of the greatest movies ever...The Cannonball Run...That alone makes me miss her already...

Now Mikey opens a can of worms with his passing. People already are comparing his death to the death of that other musical King. When Elvis Died, people went apeshit. There was a genuine sense of loss for that fat man who stole the black sound and made it accessible during a time when it wouldn't have been. When I look back at the old tapes of the people lined up and down the street to watch his hearse go by....it's sincere.

However, when I watched CNN last night...looking at all of the folks outside of the Apollo Theater...on their cell phones and making asses out of themselves while the cameras were rolling...all I saw was a chance for someone to call their cousin Ray-Ray and tell him that they were on T.V. Don't get me wrong - I'm sure that some people feel a genuine loss with the passing of MJ...however, in this day of instant information and 15 minutes of fame in 10 seconds or less...alot of crowd reaction I witnessed seemed forced and put on for the camera.

Interesting to point out that Groucho Marx died 3 days after the death of Elvis Presley back in 1977...his death was all but swept under the rug with the constant media coverage of Elvis. It seems the Jackson "Grouchoed" Farrah yesterday...

Sunday, June 7, 2009

It's been awhile....

Amazing how time goes by...Opening presents on Christmas day...next thing I know, I'm pulling ticks off of my dog and helping the girlfriend fix up her garden. As it seems I have the summer off, I will be posting more rants, reviews and whatnot on 3:17 In The Morning...not a day goes by that I don't have something on my mind that everyone needs to hear. So, if you would be so kind, please hang around while I commit my madness to the mainframe for the world and it's generations to view...