Friday, July 6, 2012

Rediscovered Childhood

I finally broke the seal.

My mother saved almost everything from my childhood, including all of my school papers, homework and etchings from my time at Marion T. Morse Elementary School in Lisbon Falls, Maine.  I have never gone through them until today.  Was there goodness to be found? Yup.  Here...take a gander at these gems...

That's right. I got a "Super" and a star! Yeah, no gold stars here.  Small towns in Maine couldn't afford glitz like that.  However, the real jackpot was on the back of this paper...


HOLY DOG SHIT! Look at that action! Obviously, after I flew through my math problems, I decided to express myself creatively.  The red ships are, of course, Colonial Vipers, and they are blowing the hell out of some generic spaceships.  I guess I decided to take the Millennium Falcon and add my own, unique twist to in by attaching another arm with a cockpit.  One of the Vipers took a critical hit...oh well.  I never liked Rick Springfield anyway.  At the top of the page is the Galactica herself.  It looks like a Bejeweled piece on skis.  In the end, the Vipers smoked the baddies 3-1. 
I remember having my Kindergarten teacher talk to my mother because I always colored people yellow.  She thought I had some kind of vision problem or was just stupid.  Well, here is my redemption.  I made them yellow because the fucking box of Crayolas that the teacher gave out to each student did not contain a flesh colored crayon.  In my 6 year old mind, yellow was the best alternative.  I can understand why I was confusing everyone with every picture I colored looking like an extra from a Godzilla movie.

The Letter People! God, I loved them! Every week in Kindergarten our teacher would have one of those huge, inflatable Letter People in the closet where some lucky student would get to open the closet door and introduce him or her to the rest of the class.  I was never picked.  Sigh.  I found this in the piles of papers.  I don't remember it at all.  Here we have Mr. W at his "Winking School". Sounds bad right from the start.  I'm guessing he is the teacher due to his mortarboard.  I don't know why he is wearing a bowtie on his balls though.

And here come the students who are going to learn how to wink.  There is a Worm, a duck who has a Wing and a dog who has a tail that Wags.  So he is teaching facial expressions to animals? I still can't stop looking at that bowtie...


Ok...class is in session.  Mr. W is showing everyone how to wink.  Either that or he is telling the class about the stroke that he suffered last Easter after his wife cooked the ham for too long and he blew a fuse.  I guess the worm is the first one to receive instruction.  The duck is checking out his ball bowtie...

The duck and worm nailed it! A+ for the course.  The dog just can't wrap his mind around winking.  Oh oh...I hope Mr. W doesn't loose his temper like he did with his wife and her stroke inducing ham...

And Mr. W snaps! My first thought was he was going to give the dog a spanking, but it looks more like he is tickling the poor thing.  Whatever is going on, the duck and the worm like to watch.

We don't know if the dog learned how to wink since he doesn't have a winking medal around his neck like his voyeuristic buddies.  So we will just call that a 66 % success rate for Mr. W.  No sooner is one class over than another class comes in.  This time he is teaching a witch and a watermelon.  A FUCKING watermelon? With watermelon slices for feet? He is teaching anthropomorphic fruit? I have a feeling the state is going to close down Mr. W's school very soon.

More soon...


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