Sunday, June 22, 2008

In Case You Missed It...The Love Guru is SHIT!!!

My girlfriend Kelly first mentioned seeing The Love Guru. The idea was to see if it was as bad as everyone had been saying. Now, I could have said "You are out of your fucking way", right then and there. However, I was swept away with a feeling that I had not experienced since my senior year in high school...that feeling of doing something that you know is just so stupid that you will be talking about it for years to come. The extravagance and luxury of wasting time, money and precious minutes of your life on a venture that was so pointless that you had to laugh about it. The notion that life is forever and you could waste it on whatever you wanted - no matter how frivolous.

Now, after seeing The Love Guru, I tell you this - Never take life for granted. Cherish every moment and make each one count. Never give in to whimsy. Most importantly, Never...I say NEVER pay with either your money or your time, to see The Love Guru.

Going in to the theater, my expectations were so low that I foolishly thought that there was nowhere to go but up. I was wrong. The Love Guru saw where my expectations were and was able to sink down even further. It waved at my expectations as it dove down past them towards a greasy, brown colored pile of mucus that has only been seen by Hell's guardians , souls of child abusers, and Ann Coulter. Yes. The Love Guru is that bad.

I would rather sit through Sgt. Peppers' Lonely Hearts Club Band, playing backwards, while I was wearing beer goggles, than to see The Love Guru again. Myers has crafted a film that is unfunny, uninspired and lacking in every sense of the word. Character development is nil and the comedy is rehashed Austin Powers material. Every joke has a punchline that can be seen coming by a blind, retarded monkey. The only saving grace from this movie was Verne Troyer ....c'mon ...midgets are funny. Especially when they are punching guys in the balls.

I won't say that if you like this movie you are an idiot. However, I will state that if you do enjoy this flick, it says volumes about your shitty personality and how you probably can't wait for to deliver your paperback adaptation of Meet the Spartans.


Anonymous said...

Haven't done or seen anything interesting since 6-22? Come on, your fans want more!

Anonymous said...

Wish we had seen The Love Guru... if only to be able to list the top five reasons as to why we would rather pull off our own nipples with a pair of rusty pliers, then have watched The Love Guru. However, reading your blog has made watching this movie unnecessary. As we already suspected, it would be Austin Powers nuked to warn out perfection. And we're all set with: Mike Meyers' excessive chest hair, bad British/Scottish accent, bad teeth, and dick jokes.